Wednesday, 16 April 2008
Although most people think rules were made just to piss off anarchists, I believe they were made to be broken! When the first lawyer in the world, Antonio Gravietti, came up with the first law and named it after himself, he made it so that in the future people could break it and float around the planet. Yes, at first it was called the Law of Gravietti and with time it changed to the word we all know as gravity!
There is a theory that Newton "found" the Law of Gravity when an apple fell on his head! Assuming that, I found the Law of Coincidence when a pigeon’s crap landed on my head! It was a one in a seven billion shot!
The most intriguing rules are the rules of society, the most castrating form of repression, I mean; who made those rules? Why shall I not walk around naked in the streets? OK, that wouldn't be so good, but why can’t I tell someone I don't know to fuck off? Because society says so? Well, screw society!
Most people will tell you that rules have purposes and that for each rule there's good reason for its existence. Well, most people believe that we came from Adam and Eve. And do you believe them? So, who are you going to believe?
And the bright side of rules is really their purpose, to be broken! Just take a look around and you will find that anarchists are much happier than lawyers and judges!
And the (b)right message for today is... breaking rules rulez!
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
The head of the department that is going to make sure that the law is put into practice was caught smoking in a place forbidden by law, a casino, and answered that the laws of gambling are superior to every other law. Besides amazingly stupid, this is immoral, and according to his statement it is not illegal to shoot someone in the head because the laws of gambling are superior and there is no gambling law that states to be illegal to kill someone inside a casino! Therefore, can you kill someone? Yes, if you're in a casino! Is it illegal? Yes, unless you are in a casino! Fortunately, there are no casinos in Ribeira, in Porto.
According to this new law, the only places you can smoke are the smoking lounges that can be created in places big enough for having both zones. Although this might seem as an enclosure and a kind of lung apartheid, it is also a good way to socialize and, these bonding places are actually a soothing bright light in this law. I like to call it the bright side of the law! Now, outside a café or a pub, you see people talking, most of them have already seen each other inside at another table but never talked, and due to this law they are communicating. I have friends that have never smoked in their life but are planning to start so that they can meet new people! A few years ago we had IRC (Internet Relay Channel) and now we have SRC (Smoking Relay Chamber)!
So the bright side of the law for today is... Smoke for your social life!
Sunday, 30 December 2007
I normally, by now, present the downsides of the subject, but in this case they are kind of obvious, and though sometimes we are given the top, just to see how we react, being disliked, mostly, speaks for itself! I normally react with smoothness but yesterday after a professionally conducted flirt and seeming to go very well, I was given a phone number top! I was shocked! I am already sending an agent on the field to report the damage and to brief me in on the situation!
This Portuguese expression is very useful in a way that we can give someone the brush-off discreetly by opening a bottle and giving her the top, she understands that I might be committed or maybe just not in the mood, which in my case never happens!
In order to present this bright side, I will reveal a thought that I came up with a few months ago and posted it on my personal blog: "O amor é como as promoções da Coca-Cola, colecciona-se as tampas e depois acabamos por ter um prémio!" (“Love is just like the Coca-Cola contests, you collect the tops and in the end you'll get a prize"). This is true, you have to get ditched a few times in order to appreciate the other person, if it comes too easy you will not give it the same credit, it raises the interest.
And the top-notch message for today is... Give some tops, give some Love!
Sunday, 23 December 2007
I wasn’t going to, but I had to do it, I had to present a bright side on Christmas and even though this season is not very dark, at least not as dark as Easter when we celebrate three days after the guy’s death, I think there are many things that are not sincere and honest and funny. Let’s take for instance that old guy in beards, created by a company that sells coke, and I’m not talking about Super Dragões, I mean “Coca-Cola”. He dresses red, has beard, a hat and he likes to have children sitting on his lap. I’m not trying to say he’s a paedophile, but he would be in serious trouble here in Portugal.
Furthermore, Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, son of a single mother that was living with a middle age guy who worked as a carpenter. Not much of a steady life, they had nowhere to live and she gave birth in a cavern. Seriously, what was there to celebrate? And what the hell is it with those there Wiseman, if they were that wise they wouldn’t need a star to guide them to Bethlehem, they would know how to get there.
Another issue most people claim as a downside of this season is consumerism, the idea that it is all about spending money and ostentation. I must agree that we suffer a bit of peer pressure to buy presents, but we all get kind of nice and sweet on these days, we all want to give and share. We make all efforts to be with our family and loved ones, that is why we want to give. And we also give because we want to receive!
In spite of all this weird things, Christmas like everything else in the world, has a bright side and that is of course the presents. Not much to say about it, just that we all, and I really mean all, of us like to receive them. It is something like honey, we all like honey, and we all like receiving presents.
And I present the bright side by saying... Xma’lize for presents!
Sunday, 9 December 2007
Though I think it's evolving to a flu this cold is getting on my nerves. For starters I have to carry paper tissues all the time, I sneeze, wear loads of clothes so that I'm not cold, I sneeze, be in bed so I don't get worse, and worst of all I sneeze! I've had it but paracetamol makes me sleepy and I like staying in bed and...
I'm sorry! I fell asleep! I don't know how that happened, it must have been the parac...
Damm! That happened again, it seems as if I was seeing a Manuel De Oliveira film! Seriously, I promisse it will not happen again, it is to stupid to be writing and sl...
Alright, I've slept for a while now and I am wide awake, so I can now finish this by telling you, nothing new, it sucks to have a flu! It rhymes and is true!
The bright thing is that besides being really good for rhymes, this situation has the benefit of providing us the rest we deserve. We all (say we) work or study a lot and we need some rest, sometimes it is good to have a cold and just lay down in bed all day, being spoiled and doing nothing!
So the bright cold message for today is... rest in the flu!
Friday, 30 November 2007
For long these yellow smiley imigrants (this is not a dark joke, just a yellow one!Damm I'm evil!) have been invading every country on earth destroying our good quality crapy stuff with their crapy crap!!
Though the biggest problem is not them coming here, but us buying their goods (this is just an expression!), I feel like they are invading our space, making us buy things we don't need, things we don't want and things we find cute! All these things are... wait... stop... this is stupid! This text does not make any sense! A while ago I despised racism and now I'm being racist?! It has to be stoped now!
Before stoping at all I have to present a bright side, wich in this case is simply that if it weren't for those guys from China big companies wouldn't be forced to drop their prices!
So, the economical message for today is... Let China in
Sunday, 11 November 2007
Thursday, 1 November 2007
We can all agree that killing people is bad, except for George Bush, of course. And there isn’t much to say about it, we just turn on our TV and watch the headlines talking about war here and there and about to start over there, but do we really get a glimpse of the truth? This is a trick question because we only see what the media want us to see; fortunately we don’t get it live on our window, unfortunately, if you live next to the TVI building or the white house or something stupid like that.
But what is war? When I think of it, I realize that we start cold wars on our everyday life, whether it’s with our lover, our parents, our colleagues at work or even our friends. People need war just as monkeys need bananas. (Ah! Great José Cid!). As a friend and visitor of this blog, Verita, used to say “War without blood is sex”, I don’t quite agree because sometimes sex has blood, just look at that Marilyn Manson video for “Heart Shaped Glasses”, bloody fucking driving her crazy! Speaking of music, War (also) inspired a Portuguese band that has been performing all around the world for soldiers, inspiring them to fight for their beliefs or just for the sake of shooting up people. That band is Kalashnikov, with songs like “Tiananmen Tiananmen (Kill Another Yellow Man)” or “Warriors Of The Hezbollah “, this War Time Rock n’ Roll band has been raising hell wherever there is war.
But even war has a bright side, and I don’t mean when a grenade blows up in front of you, I mean a real bright side, something useful. We all have been in a situation where we meet someone and we don’t really know what more to say, and some war, somewhere, in a remote part of the world is always the best topic to unlock the moment. We know for sure that there is always something to say and everyone gets the news that there is a war happening and you can have a moment to shine and say something smart. Of course, if you’re a guy and want to score a girl, you better stick to that “So…do you like kids? Actually I can make them, you know!?”. It is better not to enter in a war topic, just stick to being funny.
So...the bloody message for today is... Fight for conversation!
Sunday, 21 October 2007
Firstly I must say that we do have to focus on the McDonalds’ spreading and the fact that it actually destroys local commerce and small town businesses. And this fast food chain is spreading very fast, contaminating the world with its food and chemically delicious fries, intoxicating our children with their obnoxious hamburgers they proudly say that are natural. Who am I to doubt is the question, and the answer is easy; someone who has tried them and felt it! As for the small town businesses, I do have to call upon Pearl Jam when they said “I changed by not changing at all, small town predicts my fate / Perhaps that's what no one wants to see” and say that this is a straw trying to bend the tendency of the rich being richer and the poor being poorer. It is the last redoubt of middle class.
Another issue is that most people do not realize this, but Portugal was really the pioneer of globalization, when about five hundred years ago we started exploring the world, killing Indians, native Brazilians and basically lying to them by saying if they don’t believed in our God they would dye unhappy and would not go to heaven. Also, we had to rape their women, Portuguese girls were already becoming dull and the ones from Brazil had better buttocks. We always liked to explore new things, even in sex.
But now here comes the brightest side of all sides ever sided on globalization, even brighter than Brazilian right sided buttocks: the fact that it allows us to have access to the good things other countries have; and by this I mean the acqua vitae, the water of life, Whiskey! And also the good old strong Vodka from Russia! I rest my case!
Sunday, 14 October 2007
Wednesday, 3 October 2007
Now everyone cares about the environment, but what do we actually do about it? Nothing, I say. We all say that cars should pollute less but we expect the manufacturers to create better cars, instead of avoiding the sometimes useless use of our cars. I speak for myself, and I might say for most of you, because we could take a public transport for work, we could buy ourselves a Hybrid car, but no, we have to take our brand new Turbo Diesel Common Rail XPTO car that pollutes more in one mile than a whole packet of cigarettes!Back to smoking, it’s just bad for everyone’s health, though active smokers’ lungs are kind enough to filter most part of the smoke, passive smokers also get it in their face. As a non-addicted smoker I try to respect everyone around me and avoid intoxicating them, in restaurants, stadiums, small closed spaces, near children and all that stuff.
But we smokers have a good thing, I like to call it our bright smoked side, which is that when we smoke we are contributing a huge amount of taxes to our country, we are being patriotic, we are doing a great benefit to everyone.
And, therefore the message for today is... Smoke for your country!
Thursday, 6 September 2007
The sick part isn’t this. The worst of all is that this useless object served theme for one of the worst songs ever made. I heard recently that the author of the song actually intended it to be sung by Britney Spears who actually refused it, leaving the author no choice but to offer it to Rihanna. Between these two, I don’t who would have been worse, but Rihanna’s version is really obnoxious. The sad thing is that this little girl from Barbados doesn’t even know how to say it right; she says something like 'umbarella'.
It’s really hard to find a good side of this worthless object (and now I’m not talking about Rihanna’s CD, it’s really the umbrella), but I did, as always. Have you ever seen an old lady fight back on a burglar? In films, old ladies always carry an umbrella for protection, even in the summer; they are the elders’ AK-47. So, try not losing your umbrellas, because they never show up and they might be useful in the future. People always lose umbrellas but never find them, I’ve been wondering who’s been stealing mines! So and the message for today is... Stock up umbrellas for your life in retirement!
Sunday, 19 August 2007
Luckily, as everything, there’s a bright side of it, Holidays, that time of year where even the traffic when going to the beach seems bearable. Time to rest or party, sleep or going out, beach or mountain, almost everyone deserves it and enjoys it!
So, today’s motto is...work for your holidays, not on your holidays!
Friday, 27 July 2007
And here comes the treat, the fact is that some of those other 5% write scripts for TV comedies such as the Simpsons or Family Guy or American Dad! And luckily for us we have great moments of fun and laugh thanks to their stupidity!
And so you can guess today's message... Let Americans be stupid and laugh!
Sunday, 15 July 2007
And if you include yourself in the workaholics, you might as well be very well screwed. Now I am going to enlighten those who only work the time they’re supposed to! Yes, you can actually screw up and get out of it easily! Blame the workaholic, it is easy, just tell your boss that he did it, it’s normal, he’s been working too much. Besides, if they allegedly do work more, the probability of making mistakes his higher. Moreover, they are too sleepy to be pissed at you and wont even notice you blame it on them. It might not be fair, but as a friend of mine used to say, work is a jungle and you either eat or get eaten.
And of course today’s message is... Let the others work!
Thursday, 5 July 2007
But hey, not everything is bad, if you take a better look, you notice that by them missing work, their colleagues have to do something their not used to do, and that is working the full time. Confused? I’ll help you, take a look at a normal worker; he has to present himself at work at time, and for that means getting 20 minutes later, then after a while he has to make his morning stop for coffee or otherwise he cannot focus on his work, a few moments later he talks to someone on the phone and takes the chance to ask how his wife and kids and dogs are doing, after that he calls his wife to ask what’s for lunch. And this is only in the morning. When the company has only half of its staff this worker has to work the double, this means working the full time. Hopefully, he will get used to actually work and teach that to his striker colleague.
Who would tell that strikers could improve their companies’ productivity by striking? I bet you weren’t expecting that were you? And you would think that there was not anything good in striking except for missing work. Now you do have a good reason for striking, in fact, I’m thinking of striking tomorrow just to improve my company’s productivity!
And for that, today’s message is... Strike for productivity!
Friday, 29 June 2007
So, this is today’s message... Portugal!
Friday, 15 June 2007
Have you noticed that all the other drivers suck!? Always making mistakes, not signalling their turns, always going slow when you’re late, and the list is infinite! Besides, it stresses up our day soon in the morning by having to yell to them as soon as we get in the car!
But when you think of it, they might be the cause for the absence of wars in Portugal, and the way we drive is causing more peace than Cavaco Silva! Just look, what better way to relief our stress than yelling and complaining? If we do that in traffic, we don’t get to work so mad because we have already discharged all our anger in the dumb-ass from the office next door that everyday takes our parking spot! All that inside your car without him even hearing you! That way, people get to their offices and parliament more peaceful instead of just throwing a stapler to the guy in the desk in front of you, or the guy from the other party, even though he is Marques Mendes and deserves it!
So, today’s message... Drive for Peace!
Tuesday, 12 June 2007
So, what is today’s message? Get a life, get laid!