Portugal

As you all might have found out, or not, I’m Portuguese, more precisely from Guimarães, also known as the Portuguese cradle, where it all began. And everyone who lives here knows for sure that we are the worst country in Europe. And all of you that are not Portuguese may ask why, as we have great beaches, bitches, weather, women, men and food. But in order for you to have that, we have to bust our asses to work as you relax and order another whiskey and earn one third of what you earn. And now you ask why the hell do we still live here, and that is easy to answer, because we are in fact PORTUGUESES, and that means to love our country no matter how bad it may sound, and just for that it makes it a pleasure to live here! And now a Portuguese hip hopper or MC may say that I shouldn’t be writing in English and that I’m a sell out and other stuff, and I say with great pleasure that another bright thing about us (yes, Portugal is so good that has two bright sides!), is that we are a true free country, and therefore I’m entitled to write in English because it’s the language I feel most comfortable to write!
So, this is today’s message... Portugal!

Drivers

Ah! Those dirty little bastards, always with their cars and motorcycles and trucks, funny type of people, which I actually include myself in. As drivers, we’re all sure of one thing, we’re the best fucking drivers in the world! "Who?! Schumacher!? I’d beat him in the first mile!" If I had a penny for every time I heard that sentence...I’d still be broke, but you got the point.
Have you noticed that all the other drivers suck!? Always making mistakes, not signalling their turns, always going slow when you’re late, and the list is infinite! Besides, it stresses up our day soon in the morning by having to yell to them as soon as we get in the car!
But when you think of it, they might be the cause for the absence of wars in Portugal, and the way we drive is causing more peace than Cavaco Silva! Just look, what better way to relief our stress than yelling and complaining? If we do that in traffic, we don’t get to work so mad because we have already discharged all our anger in the dumb-ass from the office next door that everyday takes our parking spot! All that inside your car without him even hearing you! That way, people get to their offices and parliament more peaceful instead of just throwing a stapler to the guy in the desk in front of you, or the guy from the other party, even though he is Marques Mendes and deserves it!
So, today’s message... Drive for Peace!

Life

For starters, I would like to mention something that inspired me for this, Monty Python’s point of view on Life, in their song “Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life”. And they do make quite an effort to present their point of view, but still I think it’s not enough, and so I would like to reinforce it. They forgot the one thing everyone that has experimented enjoys, sex! I know there are a whole lot of things that we all like, such as family and friends and spending good times, but what do we all really like, what do we all crave, what do we all get crazy when we don’t get it? Sex, it’s as simple as that!
So, what is today’s message? Get a life, get laid!